Emotionalism

Here I go again. Making up words. At least I think. Maybe the word emotionalism actually exists. Who knows. Well, I was having something VERY delicious last night (finally something about chasing deliciousness!). Some Maryland crab bisque made with heavy cream (the REAL stuff!) and some To-Die-For Mac & Cheese. I saw on the Food Network that a serving a real mac & cheese can be usually 2000 calories. Woh. But it was worth it last night.

As I sipped on my glass of wine last night, my emotionalism got me again. I teared up looking at the wine and I thought to myself "What the F???" Why should I get emotional? I was about to go on a vacation starting next week. My autistic son is thriving in his therapy sessions. My daughter is the apple of my eye. My marriage couldn't be better. I felt healthy and well. So I got to thinking...

Oh wait. A new leaf has turned. The cliche of a "new chapter" of my life has started. I'm grieving the old. A year ago, I wasn't sure if I would make it. In pretty much all the aspects of my life. We were broke. We didn't know if we would be able to pay our bills and rent. I was going to resign in my position with no future direction. My marriage was in trouble from all the strains that the circumstances we were in. I was tempted most of last summer to still lie in bed in anxiety and depression. Last summer was awful. Last fall was awful. Oh wait, did I mention that my husband got ran over by a car?

It is a year later. I've survived. I was strong enough to fight for my life. Our life is slowly being pieced together. I look back at this past year and I couldn't have imagined that I would have gotten to this point. It seemed so hopeless at this same point in time last year.

So this vacation we are about to take isn't JUST a vacation for me. It represents normalcy that I've been craving for the last 3.5 years. I'll go into the last 3 1/2 years in another blog (another totally depressing anti-deliciousness post I can assure you) but lets just say that our family has not been in any position to take a normal vacation since our son was 15months old (He will be five next month). So this is REALLY a big deal that we will get away. Be like everyone else for a bit. Be like every other family and go to the beach in August. Let out a sigh in relief.

Did I mention that the most DELICIOUS macadamia nut cheesecake is at the beach we are going to? I am gonna chase after that cheesecake!!!